November 9th, 2013 by

The First Day You Were Ever Free

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So it is not Easter, but I stumbled across this today and thought that I would share it. I wrote it last year around Easter time as a sort of rhythmic story, we can call it experimental poetry for that sake along with the intended repetition at points. I know that it is quite asymmetrical,  but it is intended to be read out loud as a sort of monologue. That explains the odd phrasing and strange use of paragraphs. Humor me. It is from the perspective of one of the disciples after Jesus died. I believe it is in what you would consider the 2nd person. Please let me know what you think.


Yesterday, you witnessed a man die.

In a handful of agonizing hours everything you understood about the way life was supposed to be stopped making sense.

You thought that he was stronger.
You thought he was the king, Meshiach, Emmanuel.
But now he’s in a tomb guarded by soldiers who would rather die themselves than let the body go.

Could he still have been alive?
Impossible.
You saw him there yourself on the crucifixion posts,
Nobone survives crucifixion,
And he died sooner than most.
They didn’t even have to break his legs to stop his breathing.

Yesterday, you thought he would escape.
Wasn’t he the son of God for heaven’s sake?
He could have called down legions of angels,
Or overpowered them with divine strength or…
something.

Anything.

Anything more than what he did.
But instead he didn’t even say a thing.
Didn’t resist at all.
Even prayed for them.

THEM.
Those men responsible for pounding rusty nails in his wrists and ankles as he bled down the face of a splintering wooden beam.

Yesterday, he didn’t do a thing.
Wasn’t he a son of men for heaven’s sake?
He could have yelled,
Or spit in their face,
Or called his followers to usher desperate rebellion against the government oppression,
Or the religious hypocrites,
Or against those soldiers!

Something.
Anything.

But it was as if he chose to die.

You have seen many men killed on those cruel wooden crosses.
But never had you seen a man endure the pain with so little resistance.
Such expectant posture.
Such peace.

It sounds abhorrent to say that he died on that barbaric thing with peace,
But in a way he did.

You had looked into his eyes as he whispered,
“Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.”
And then he had died.

Why had he died?
How could this even be happening?

Yesterday, you witnessed a man die.
He was supposed to save everyone.
Today, you are alone.

At any moment you could have soldiers breaking down the door,
And consign you to the same fate as that man.
After all weren’t you one his followers?

He had worked what you had believed to miracles,
He had spoken what you believed to be truths.
He had even offered what you believed to be forgiveness of sins.
But what good is forgiveness from a corpse?

You feel so weak,
Abandoned even,
Afraid.

So many emotions tremble through your chest,
As if part of your soul was crucified with that man yesterday.
After all, wasn’t that what he was?
Just a man?

“What a fool I was!”,
You scream.
Do gods bleed?
Do their bodies rot in tombs?
Can the divine be contained by nails and murdered upon beams of wood as a lamb upon an alter?

But today, the sun shines.
Don’t the heaven’s realize how they taunt?
If only he were alive today,
Then today the sun would feel warm on your skin again.

But as it is, the rays of sunlight each feel like cold needles that continue to carry on as if the world is still in perfect order.
The light has been dissipated,
Darkness has won!
Perhaps the light never was.
But the sun still shines in mockery at what you once believed to be.

Today, the universe has no order.
Logos is a lie, a myth.
The beginning and the end,
They are all the same.

Death.

There is no plan.
There is no life.
There is only you being mocked by the sunlight,
And a feeling of emptiness, guilt, and despair that hope has hollowed out.
It is no surprise, you have been here before.

For what had he died?
For what had you believed was so worth living?
Today, you are alone again
He was supposed to save you.

This morning, that man lives!
They woke to find that the tomb was empty, and you saw him.
SAW HIM,
With some of the believers in town.
And with a moments glance into his eyes everything stopped making sense again.

He had come back to life after 3 days of death.
But why had he died?
Where was his army?
Why had he abandoned you?

But before you could get the words out he told you,
“It was all for you.”

What?

And then you remembered what he had spoken to his disciples,
“Drink this in remembrance of me.”

His death.
He had known that he was going to die all along.

Words he had spoken two days ago filled your head,
“My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jews. But now my kingdom is from another place.”

And,
“In fact, for this reason I was born, and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.”

And earlier,
“In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.“

He had died for you.
He had been like a lamb on an alter,
beaten and killed in your place.
He hadn’t resisted.
He hadn’t take up arms.
He had hadn’t stopped it.
He WAS born to save everyone.

But he had done it through dying.

What a contradiction,
does that even make sense?
The man with the peace in his eyes on the cross bleeding and dying was not just a man.
He was also God.
He was Meshiach,
He was emmanuel,
And he had chosen to save not the body but the heart.
He had given up his own body in absolute selflessness,
And was now alive again.

” It was all for you.”
Was it your place to die instead?

He didn’t say a word more,
but you know it was.
You’ve deserved judgement for a long time for the wrongs that you have chosen,
But you thought just maybe,
There was a chance with this man to escape.

He had said you were forgiven.
But now you see,
He has done much more than simply utter religious words in the air that declare you are forgiven.
He has actually paid what it would cost to forgive.

Death.

Two days ago you witnessed a man die.
This morning, that man lives.
And now you realize that yesterday was really the first day you were ever free.

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I am an Buffalo, NY based WordPress Web Developer and Graphic Designer who loves to learn, read and write. My wife says that I got stuck at age 4 (the "wonder years"). I am a recovering Little Debbie's Nutty-Bar-a-holic and I have written a song about falling in love with a Llama. A Designer by trade, thinker by pursuit, and comedian in my dreams.